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WAIT! Hold on! What have I missed here? Plas? Um..


Should I link that blog:Plasmaster/I Need A Break other blog post to this subject? Okay.

I'm too scared that I might say something taboo here, ah well might as well say it so that I'll know if it is or not...

From what I'm seeing here, you have been showing symptoms of depression? (Yeah right Baymax...) Or not necessarily depression, just probably what every single human being calls "puberty". I honestly hated that term when I hit that part of my life, it sounded like some lazy excuse that adults use to organize all teenagers into one group, well that's true, people shouldn't look at others this way like they're some one-dimensional minor character in a story, it just feels unfair and cruel. But then I realized that it isn't ENTIRELY their fault, I mean there is no such thing as a superhuman who can help you. It's like that their arrogance has made them so blind, yet making others understand or even ask them to help is like explaining color to a blind person. (I hope you're not skimming, you don't want to misread what I'm saying here do you?)

Ack, I'm dozing off the subject here. Anyway, so your IRL friends are being a tad disrespectful to ya? From my perspective it seems that it could be them not understanding how you feel, or you for being "reckless" (Ouch, that's probably the taboo part coming out of me...) Reckless in a way that you may not know you're doing on purpose, but by autopilot. Well damn! Who's not to say that your friends are also experiencing the same thing you are and are also encountering stress and would like to pass it onto you? (That's my interpretation of Ditto, and also the laziest way to become "unstressed", I personally do not approve of this method. I believe it to be too, uh, stupid?)

Now whether they are or aren't passing some weights onto you or not, you could still think to yourself on what to do. I don't have any "good" advice but it can make you think. Now do you truly think it is a problem that other people aren't nice to you? (Uh oh more taboo coming up..) What if you're paranoid about what others think about you and they don't really hate you. What if all of the problems are just in the mind? What if there is a way to actually help it stop? (Hey, the problems may be fake, but the feelings are real.) Well yes, I do agree that even if it's all in the mind, you've still gotta find a way to fix it! How? I'm not too sure here, preferences are preferences after all. What I did was I somehow learned to ignore everything, about how others are better than me at doing stuff, about how I could only do one thing, and about how I'm being viewed by others. And all of a sudden I involuntarily forgot about it or even gave a damn. I don't think that you can do this voluntarily by truing to force yourself to not think of something because the human brain is strange. (If I tell you not to think of elephants, you'd surely be thinking about elephants by now. That's what I mean.) 

Still not skimming? I hope so, if you really want to understand what I want to tell you, you'd better not skim. It's a natural reaction to skim across large portions of text, but not necessarily good in any possible way. It is natural to be this way, but what isn't natural is thinking that you cannot do anything to change your habits.

Well I think I dozed off again, hmm...

I read that your parents said you're bored and sick about seeing and doing the same things over and over again right? Well I personally think there's a flaw with this method when it comes to you... people. (GAH, that sounded racist! You know what I mean though right? I meant the people who are experiencing the same things you are...) HOLD ON! I just remembered... you might not like the possibility that there are multiple others as you, you might refuse to accept it for reality (Like that one user who's troubled me recently...) and then immediately turn against me. (please don't hurt me) Now I'm completely fine with the normal response that people have for wanting to be special so I'll swim with it.

Now about the flaw, this may or may not happen to you in the near future when you'd start trying to do new things and suddenly you get sick of doing that certain thing, what do you do? You do another thing! Perhaps come back to an old hobby you once had and start working on it as a form of nostalgia or what people call "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" AKA you do some great stuff while doing something but once you're set to come apart from that one thing you're attached to, the moment you come back to it feels so rewarding. Relatable right? Now this could probably be a good thing when done correctly, but once you start to zoom out, your field of vision gets larger and you start to realize that you're in an endless cycle (Yes RSK, I may as well be talking about your story, but in a metaphorical way). And IF you start to perceive and recognize the pattern, you might start getting sick of everything in life once and for all! (That's what happened to me at least, I have some very triggering moments that I dare not discuss.)

And it gets worse, if you're in a cycle that you want to stop, you WILL stop and have a greater desire for each time the cycle repeats. As long as you can't see the bigger picture, you're fine sanity-wise. But just in case will see the bigger picture, (I mean you are definitely most likely gonna see the big picture eventually) then I tell you that that thin line between sanity and insanity starts to grow thinner. With lots of physical work, emotional and psychological stress, and giving your all just so you can feel better again just so that the world starts to demand more and more from you like a ruthless monster determined to kill you.

Take a deep breath, seriously do it now.

Done it? Okay.

That's not something you should think about all night and then lose sleep then blame it all on me, (Or should you? Nah I don't recommend it.) Now from what I've observed and inferred, sometimes we all need to take a break and just lie down and do nothing. The introduction to an overwhelming truth about the world should never be done so rough and immediate. Not letting a creature adapt to its surroundings will cause its death. And the same goes us, except for the death part.

I'm just gonna straight up say that how we're living out lives is wrong. My introduction to the true world could not be any more scary than it already was. What's wrong is how we are given so little opportunity to adapt to our surroundings and have other adapted people expect a lot from us as if they're stupid or something. The human brain could not keep up to how fast we need to move on, it just can't. Last year I had a seizure disorder that may or may not have even been real. If it isn't, then it's a pretty good lie seeing even I can't tell whether I faked my seizures or not. They did scan my brain in an MRI and they did show signs of epilepsy, I refused to believe that seeing how I knew for sure that I faked my seizures just so that I could have an excuse to skip class.

Something about it did feel real though, as if I was already feeling weaker by the day. I just thought I was being lazy for not getting up or even responding to anyone. I thought it was all because I wanted to be noticed, for how much pain I've been through. But it turns out I may have already been slipping. Who knows, maybe it wasn't fake but I played along. I stopped going to school for a few months and was even switched to home-schooling. That didn't work, I just wanted to get away from the outside world, from that reality I refuse to accept. That's why I've always been here everyday and every hour, (if anyone actually remembers that) the internet was my life for a long time, something that I kinda wanted but soon regretted. This bubble was then burst of the fact that I needed to do something about myself. I almost completely forgot about my future about why I even ran away in the first place. I don't run away form something to never see it again, I run away from something coming back more prepared for it. And that's what I'm doing now... I'm gonna go back to regular school and I never knew that I would ever say that I'd ever miss going to school. Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder...

MAN! How did I get  from a message to Plasmaster to a story about my recent years? I just wanted to say something but every time I have to say something about my "expertise", I say a lot.... I think this should be a blog post... yeah... people need to see this...

Anyway I hope this actually got some people thinking, although most of you really hate be my now, I don't care if you hate me or not. Do as you please, it won't bother me.

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